I am not what one would call a gourmet. Not a gastronomical engineer nor a culinary specialist. My meals are usually ordered through a clowns head of some sort then delivered by a person who's lack of hygiene is only rivaled by their apathy. But I digress. I decide that I need to learn hot to cook bake or at the very least make food hot in preparation for consumption. To that end I hit the grocery store and searched for a home made meal that wouldn't tax my limited skills. I settled on fish sticks and coleslaw, best not to set the bar too high. I got the fish sticks home and remebered that I needed tartar sauce. Whats in that anyway? Just mayo and pickles and some other stuff, I can make that. I took the sticks out and read the directions on the box, heat in oven for bla bla bla. I was already bored and thought that the crux of cooking was just applying heat. Who cares where it comes from, right? That when I saw it, the toaster. It works for pop tarts why not this application. Why hasn't this been done before, why not this method on the box. I think the fish people have a deal with the oven people. But I digress, twice now. Now onto the tarter sauce. A little mayo, a bit of relish and what else? I know it needs something else. How bout those horsey sauce packets I got from Arby's? Something else, something crunchy. Baco bits! I love bacon, I love mayo. Now that I have the sauce time to put the sticks in the toaster, I can get half of a box in here. Without boring you I will tell you of my findings. 1. The sauce was disgusting, although crunchy. 2. The tensile strength of fish sticks when place upright is greatly degraded. After 3 minutes the oils in the fish turn the coating into little balls and the integrity of the whole stick is compromised. 3. When the sticks are cooked into a toaster said toaster is never the same and will always reek of hot fish oil. 3a. Hot fish oil is a great name for a band. 4. When the toaster ejects the finished sticks all that emerges are thousands of tiny hot and oily crumbs. Its like a ticker tape parade but with steaming fish balls. After I cleaned up the mess the next words to come out of my mouth were " ya I'd like a #3 combo, can you super size that for me".

The toaster and home-made tarter sauce

Filed Under (Random!) by Monkee on 27-07-2008

I am not what one would call a gourmet. Not a gastronomical engineer nor a culinary specialist. My meals are usually ordered through a clowns head of some sort then delivered by a person who’s lack of hygiene is only rivaled by their apathy. But I digress.

I decide that I need to learn hot to cook bake or at the very least make food hot in preparation for consumption. To that end I hit the grocery store and searched for a home made meal that wouldn’t tax my limited skills. I settled on fish sticks and coleslaw, best not to set the bar too high.

I got the fish sticks home and remebered that I needed tartar sauce. Whats in that anyway? Just mayo and pickles and some other stuff, I can make that. I took the sticks out and read the directions on the box, heat in oven for bla bla bla. I was already bored and thought that the crux of cooking was just applying heat. Who cares where it comes from, right? That when I saw it, the toaster. It works for pop tarts why not this application. Why hasn’t this been done before, why not this method on the box. I think the fish people have a deal with the oven people. But I digress, twice now.

Now onto the tarter sauce. A little mayo, a bit of relish and what else? I know it needs something else. How bout those horsey sauce packets I got from Arby’s? Something else, something crunchy. Baco bits! I love bacon, I love mayo.

Now that I have the sauce time to put the sticks in the toaster, I can get half of a box in here.

Without boring you I will tell you of my findings.

1. The sauce was disgusting, although crunchy.

2. The tensile strength of fish sticks when place upright is greatly degraded. After 3 minutes the oils in the fish turn the coating into little balls and the integrity of the whole stick is compromised.

3. When the sticks are cooked into a toaster said toaster is never the same and will always reek of hot fish oil.

3a. Hot fish oil is a great name for a band.

4. When the toaster ejects the finished sticks all that emerges are thousands of tiny hot and oily crumbs. Its like a ticker tape parade but with steaming fish balls.

After I cleaned up the mess the next words to come out of my mouth were ” ya I’d like a #3 combo, can you super size that for me”.