Monkeychapps.com

The Internet’s secret shame

I don’t know any other person that replies to spam emails, or at least take joy in doing so. I have replied to a few and found the best replies back have lots of big words to confuse them. I will update this post asap.
—————
“Mr.Peter T S Wong” wrote:

Good day Sir/Madam,

Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr.Peter T S Wong director of
operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd in Hong Kong.I have an obscured
business suggestion for you. Before the U.S and Iraqi war one of our
client Colonel Sadiq Uday who was with the Iraqi forces and also
businessman made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with
a value of One hundred & twenty five million, seven hundred & fifty
thousand U.S
dollars only in my branch.

Upon maturity several notices was sent to him, even during the war
which began in 2003. Again after the war another notification was sent
and still no response came from him. We later find out that the General
along with his wife and only daughter had been killed during the war
in a bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigation it was also discovered that Colonel Sadiq
Uday did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including
the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last
time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in
my bank. So, One hundred & twenty five million, seven hundred & fifty
thousand U.S
dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to
claim it.

When I discovered he and his family is dead i had to look for a very
reliable person who can stand as the Next of kin to that funds , so
that the funds will be transfered out of the bank immediately. What
bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country at the
expiration 5 years the funds will revert to the ownership of the
Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.

Please treat this business with utmost confidentiality and send me the
following.

(1)Full names, (2)Private Phone number (3)Current residential
address, (4)Occupationn (5)Age and Proffession.

Therefore , if you know you are capable of involving in this mouth
watering transaction, please send me an email to my Private email below
, so that i will give you more details about this transaction and how
we will successfully carry out this transaction without any risk
involved.

Mr.Peter T S Wong
Email:mr_peter14@yahoo.com.hk

Hello!

Hello dear sir and thank you for your missive dated 28 May in the year of our Lord 2008. I am delighted in your obscured
business suggestion !

A little about me, my name is Bilbo Baggings and I live on a small tract of land called the shire.

I am capable of involving in this mouth
watering transaction but I need a picture of you to reaffirm you are you and I am I before we can be us. Please take a picture of your feet as that will prove you are a real person.

Please help me find the precious!

BB
——————————————

Dear William,

1001 1110 11010 111010 0010000 1101100

1101011110101101101 101100 never more

10101 your eyes 1101011 0100011 001110

100011 01 01 011 000011 011 you are not a dork

110 01 1010110 10 10001 you are manly man 11

110100 01 01001 01111 01 01 001 10 1 11

11100011010 10001 00101 free software

001011 01 01 1010 010 01 00 free laptop

0011010 01101 010 101 01 00 call me

I sent the same poem to Steve Jobs but just replaced most of the words with free ipod.

Am I a theologian?

A Bible scholar?

No. What I am is thinker and a scripture-aficionado. An old testament enthusiast if you will.

As I stood in Macdonald’s (kindly explaining that their motto of “have it your way” should include cooking my burger with the fries already on it) the mystery of the final battle between good and evil became clear to me. The simp in the paper hat told me “Thats Burger King’s motto” and asked why I wasn’t wearing pants or shoes in 20 degree weather. I told him it was neither here nor there and I will take my business elsewhere, good day sir.

I said good day!

As I left I saw a young lady open her laptop and a Google search box popped up. Nothing out of the ordinary, I use Google as well. I used to use yahoo. What made me switch? Usually these questions are drummed out of my head by new questions that replace them like “What is the meaning of life” , “what really lead to my hatred of Canadians” or “where, indeed, is the beef” ?

I thought about all these questions, did hours of research and ate a box of steak-ums. This is what I found and I would like you to draw your own conclusions.

1- Yahoo is a  pronunciation of the name of God. Yawee, Yahu or Yawoo. I have heard it pronounced in all of these ways.

2- Google starts with a G. The seventh letter of the alphabet. The Jewish alphabet has only 25 letters that we have in the English alphabet thereby making G the sixth letter in their alphabet. As in 666.

3- If you a eat a box of steak-ums in one sitting you will get a tape-worm.

4- Naming said tapeworm Mr. Bubbles in no way lessens the harm that the tapeworm might do.

5-Many Bible scholars have postulated that the anti-christ might be a thing not a person as previously thought.   A decever that is very pervasive. Yes, some have thought that the internet might be that anti-christ.

So, dear reader, I ask you is the internet the Armageddon that the Bible foretells?

Now before you get all crazy and start jumping around like a monkey yelling that I know nothing and that Armageddon is a place not an idea and Armageddon is  actually a Greek word for hill or mountain (Har) that overlooks the valley of Meggedo west of the Jordan river stop and realize that most of the Bible stories that we all know are parables. Do not get hung up on the details and forgo the deeper meaning.

With that said, I know that most of my posts are very light hearted and silly.I wish to stir the pot a bit, I wish to have civil discourse with you all. Basically I want you to participate. I find your comments lively and though full. I know that religion is a heated topic but indulge me. If this topic is too tame for some let me leave you with this.

Everyone but protestants are heretics.

The earth is only 12,000 years old.

Mormonism is totally made up by horny old men that want to sleep with many women and say “God told me it was OK”.

From now on dinosaurs will be know as Jesus horses.

Thank you for listening,

Discuss

If you’ve been holding your breath for The A-Team movie, well, I feel sorry for you.

But help is on the way for you and your oxygen-deprived brain. So just hold on. Until June 12. Of next year. Feel better? You should, actually.

The release date, as reported by Variety, is the first for the long-discussed, long-suffering project.

John Singleton, who last yelled cut on Four Brothers, will direct; Michael Bandt and Derek Haas, who helped shoot the lights out with 3:10 to Yuma, are writing the screenplay.

As reported, the movie will follow the basic recipe of the 1983-87 TV series: Take four ex-military men; add one war crime they didn’t commit; mix in chases, pursuits and more chases.

Given the source material, Singleton has promised an action movie, a serious action movie—”wall to wall kicking ass and talking s–t,” as he put it to Collider.com. The film presently is sans actors, A-list, B-team or otherwise, as Singleton himself has made very clear.

“I don’t know who is in the cast yet, so all this bulls–t of who is saying who is this person and who is [this person],” Singleton told Collider.com.

Singleton did allow that he “really, really want[s]” Woody Harrelson to play “Howling Mad” Murdoch, the sanity challenged pilot given life on the TV series by Dwight Schultz.

In the interview, conducted in January, Singleton sounded a lot like a man who’s been a little bit hounded by fans demanding to know who’s going to play Mr. T.

“Nobody is playing Mr. T—the character’s name is B.A. Baracus,” the filmmaker reminded.

And, no, before you bother Mr. Singleton again, B.A. Baracus hasn’t been cast yet, either. Ice Cube, however, has thrown his Mohawk into the ring.

“Hell yeah,” the Barbershop multitasker recently told blackfilm.com when asked if he’d consider copping a “Bad Attitude,” as it were, “especially with John Singleton directing!”

And, yes, we know Ice Cube doesn’t really have a Mohawk to throw into a ring. But that could change.

“I wouldn’t try to duplicate what Mr. T did,” he told the Website. “I’m going to bring my own flavor to it, and I am going to do the Mohawk.”

The race seems wide open for the roles of Col. “Hannibal” Smith, the disguise-handy ringleader, and the smooth-talking “Face” Peck, played on the TV series by the late George Peppard and the still-plugging-away Dirk Benedict, respectively.

Even with the cast undetermined, an announced director and a release date marks the furthest along the movie has gotten since the project started raising hopes nearly 10 years ago amid a spate of TV-to-film conversions, à la Charlie’s Angels, The Mod Squad and Wild Wild West. Per the calendar keepers at the Internet Movie Database, on June 12, 2009, the big-screen A-Team will go head-to-head with an Eddie Murphy comedy called NowhereLand. Which is about where The A-Team movie used to live.