People that need a punch in the face
Filed Under (Random!) by Monkee on 29-03-2008
Tom Cruise-
I just want to shock him into reality, to stop him jumping around like a monkey and saying how he is more knowledgeable than most on psychiatry and other issues. I just can,t see him as an action star and he reminds me of the subtly feminine over-compensating guy.
Skeet Ulrich-
His name alone elicits violence.
Rob Riener-
I just wanna knock the fat off him.
Sean Penn-
If you hadn’t bedded Madonna (and who hasn’t at this point) you’d have no career. Why is it that the fact that you pretend to be someone in a film makes you now have a better understanding of politics or whats best for the American populous.
Jane Fonda-
Just Google her name and read the tales of her whorning up the North Vietnamese while a few hundred thousand of our boys died.
Chevy Chase-
WTF? You were funny(20 years ago) now you are a sad mixture of self-loathing and saggy skin.
Hillary Clinton-
Your politics aside, your voice makes my testicle crawl into my body cavity every time I hear you. I cant have that!
K-fed-
Dude, you know why. You are the personification of Douchebag.
Wolf Blizter-
You stole my porn name!
Micheal Moore-
As you rail against the excesses in America I can see you getting fatter. Loose 200 lbs and Ill listen to you.
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I guess my website precludes what I’m thinking about your drole little list.
Are you sure K-Fed is the only douchbag around here?
You’re an a$$hole.
Please add Johnny Depp - overrated feminine hack and Dane Cook — same reasoning.
Scriptgirl,
I understand the sub context of what you are saying but no, I will not date you. I am sure you will find someone, maybe not soon and not without hitting all of the dive bars and free clinics in your town.
And yes, I do accept your apology.
Tom Cruise and Sean Penn, yeah, I can see where you’re coming from on that.
However, Michael Moore was on Leno when Sicko came out, and he seemed likeable enough. And, he is trying to lose the weight — very difficult thing, so I give him a pass on that one.
My only real challenge is to the Skeet Ulrich one. He’s actually my favorite actor — not just because he’s gorgeous, that’s a given. But, he’s the anti-establishment kinda guy. Very, non-Hollywood and his interviews prove this. Ironically, he has a similar sense of humor to your posts and would probably get a real kick out of the Alien Terms and Conditions for Abduction list.
Knowing Skeet as I think I do, he would probably add a few like:
1) If human/alien interbreeding is compulsory and in no way avoidable, if you could hook me up with the one who most resembles or bears any kind of likeness to Evangaline Lilly or Padma Lakshmi, I’d be in your debt.
2) If probing is also a mandatory and non-negotiable component to said abduction, could I request that you warm up your gangly hands or whatever it is you have prior to probe. Much obliged.
3) As an addendum to the comulsory probing, if you could please play Peter Cetera’s “Power of Love” during the procedure, it might make it more bearable.
4) Also, one last probing related request, if, once the procedure is over, could we just cuddle for a little while? I prefer to be the inner spoon. Thanks ever so much.
Wow, Monkee.
Excellent self affirmation. Methinks you’ve been hitting the Tony Robbins videos a little hard, no?
I wouldn’t date you if the world were flooded with piss and you were in the only tree.
Who can survive a pee flood?Is that your measure of who to date?
Do you see a pee flood in the future?
Does the religion of Skeet say that the world will end in a tsunami of body fluid?
I SO agree……..on a few. But come on Monkey! I believe you added a couple just to make an even 10. All in all, though, this was a really pointless thing to blog about. Writer’s block? Maybe tomorrow will be better for you. ((hugs))
Pointless is my forte.
So wait, you only respond to insults? What kind of back-assward universe am I in?
Back to brushing up on my psychology…..
Just busy, sorry. Im packing to move and I miss a few.
Moving eh? Piss off one to many K-Fed fans??? Just throw loose change at them. That will keep them busy and distracted.
Hi Monkee,
Some of moderate and fair Skeet Sisters feel that I have been unduly rough on you. People are entitled to their take and this is of course YOUR blog. I realize I had the option at anytime to take my business elsewhere.
Moving is tough so I’m going to call a truce and ask that you please watch what you say about Skeet.
His fans are kind, generous and we’re *eveywhere* so you may not realize how many you’re treading on with one swift comment.
Vitam impendere vero.
ScriptGirl
Keira- You rock, i sent you an email telling you as much
Script- I realy dont know who this screah ulrich guy is so I looked him up. I kinda look like him.
Monkee, I hate to piss off all my Skeet-sisters, but I really think your site is HILARIOUS. If you had picked on ANYONE but Skeet, I would have posted on every post — seriously. You remind me of Ernest Cline — look up his Dance, Monkey Dance video on Youtube. Very insightful.
ScriptGirl is AWESOMEness and if you knew her, you’d know that she is a gifted writer and super person. She is just as protective as I am about our fav actor. He is not deserving of a punch in the face, I swear. He is just the coolest dude. Scriptgirl met him, so she can attest to it.
If you do look like Skeet, you now have about 50 other new fans to your site. And, not to ‘influence’ you in any way, shape or form, but happy Skeet posts will go a long way to boosting your hits. I’m just saying………I’ve read almost all your posts and you are shamelessly begging for posters…….you could have 50+ with just a few key strokes. May I suggest Nicolas Cage as a replacenment for a good head beating? Or, how about Ryan Seacrest. God, there are so many deserving Hollywood punks, I could be here all night……..
Take care Monkee, and seriously consider the Chigurh coin toss. Destiny is in your hands.
Spript girl just needs to admit that she wants the monkee. Mostly because I refer to myself in the third person.
You all have been great and I love mock fighting with you.
As far as cage, I like him. Now saying that I dont want to give the idea that I would defend him and I agree that Seacrest should be on the nut-kicking list.
Monkee out
Wanting the Monkee: The List
Pro:
Monkee is pithy and sardonic
Con:
Monkee cannot spell Monkey
Pro:
Monkee thinks he looks like Skeet
Con:
Monkee thinks I troll for dates in STD Clinics
Hmmmmm
Just give it up! You are desperately in loathe with me and somehow that excites you.
And monkee is the beging of the words that I misspell.
Get a room you two!
I was just trying to get your attention Keira
Nah, you just want more posts cuz you’re a post whore. But, that’s okay cuz I’m just using you for your looks. Scriptgirl is WAY out of your league by the way. ( I know her and she’s awesome).
Where’s my email?
Wow you win the prize for hurting my feelings.
Victory is mine! So, what’s my prize? An autograph photo of Skeet I hope. *scrunches eyes closed and crosses fingers*
Now you know how the Skeet fans feel when you wanna punch him in the face. I think you have a thick skin and will come out of this okay– and it’s not like I pointed out you have a big scar or something.
And, I did say I was using you for your looks…..thats a plus. You know, if you dish it out, you gotta be able to take it Monkee. Monkee see Monkee do.
Good answer
I must say the mock fighting has been the most entertaining thing I’ve read in quite some time.
I also have to add that I agree wholeheartedly on the comments regarding Tom Cruise, Hillary Clinton, and Michael Moore. Right on.