Ohhh Canada…………. you suck!
Filed Under (Random!) by Monkee on 07-04-2008
Why Monkee, you are such a hater!
Damn straight baby.
Let me break it down for you.
I believe Canada is the Aqua Man in the justice league of North America. The Duplo block in a world full of Lego’s.
Worthless!
You may ask why I say this, consider the following.
1. Half of them speak French! That alone is enough to hate the whole of the country.
2. They have added nothing to world culture, except for the wearing of black socks and sandals.
3. They have a political system just this side of communism.
4. During the Viet Nam war they opened their arms to our hippies and draft dodgers.
5. I have heard that they eat puppies and fart on our flag.
When I lived in Boise ,a few years ago, I got wind that they were planning a week long party celebrating the 25th anniversary of the draft dodger and the influx of dirty hippies into their country. Then I saw a report on the mass exodus of some 8000 middle-aged hippies that wanted to relive the time that they sat in Canada, smoked pot and talked about “The Man” whilst their neighbors were in south east Asia fighting.
I could not let this lie, not when I was a scant few hundred miles from this twisted fiesta. I made a few phone calls and hit the road.
I sat, just few hundred miles north of the Canadian border, in my rented ice cream truck. I saw my comrades huddled of in the distance awaiting the signal. I waited until the hippies were nice and stoned, and in the middle of there dirt bag bacchanalia.
The fireworks started.
Literally!
I cranked the speakers on the ice cream truck and played a few tracks from “Apocalypse Now” intermingled with a little “Full Metal Jacket” as I shot fireworks at them. As this was going on the local theater troop that I had hired ran through the crowd wearing black pajamas and sampan hats yelling “di di mau”.
This had the desired effect and dare I say it must been the “Brown noise” to all hippies because all of the strawberry kush and petrulli oil in the world couldn’t cover the smell of 8000 thousand dirty hippies crapping their pants in unison.
Looking back I feel some remorse for what I did. I felt a twinge of guilt on my drive back to Boise. The guilt subsided as the thought of warmer temperatures, normal footwear and how great the USA is wafted into my head.
Every now and then I hear the Canadian national anthem and the thought of soiled underwear and petrulli oil make me smile.
Rock on you dirty hippy bastards.
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So you like having health care you can’t possibly afford?
Awesome! I mean, you got everything so right… like the French… 1/2 the population? No, that was wrong. Then our near communist government… like how Bush veto’s everything Congress does. Because Communism is about parliamentary discussion… so you got that wrong too. Draft dodgers. Nothing like an entire country that thinks the war you are fighting is wrong. American’s never do that… Iraq…
Thanks for checking your facts, you are why the collective world hates Americans.
I have great health care with my company, I pay $26 a month. No lines, no waiting and I go to any doctor I want.
Suck on that hoser!
The collective world? We have bailed 6 countries out of a world war and given billions in aid to the rest.
You gave us the star of Back to the Future and curling.
Ya, great deal.
wow… lol well yes a socialist society is def. bordering a communist society. but i think your view is a lil skewed on how horrible a country they are.so they opened their borders to people who did not want to go to war or who were scared shitless to go to war, not to mention these were people that were made to go to war whether they wanted to or not. and the US has bailed out a lot of other countries from “pending doom” and such, with monetary and military support.The God’s honest truth is, if America had worried a lot more about our own people and the plights of our own country instead of the political structure and injustices of other countries, this country would be a lot better off. and to be honest i don’t blame the frenchies for not supporting the US in the farce of a “war on terrorism”… :-\
I agree with the idea that we need to care for our own. I will never forgive them for Michael J Fox though.
wow. I really hope thats not true, but its funny all the same.
LMFAOOOOOOOOOO, I think i might love you!!!! (Don’t worry i’m sure i’ll move past it eventually.) Love your sense of HUMOR. The rest of ya, have some coffee or a laxative, you aren’t FORCED to read this blog. Unless of course Monkee has some fabulous Monkee powers. (Do you Monkee ???)
Nessa
You do love me and you will never get over it!!
Nessa,
Its natural that you love me, dont fight it.
no one likes america. americans think they are top shit, when in reality, they aren’t
1. Half of them speak French! That alone is enough to hate the whole of the country.
-try a quarter of the country at most. at least half of canadians hate french just as much as most americans
2. They have added nothing to world culture, except for the wearing of black socks and sandals.
-don’t forget maple syrup! and if you don’t know what i’m talking about, you’ve never had real maple syrup before
3. They have a political system just this side of communism.
-clearly you didn’t pay attention when you were in canada. our government is run by right-wing corrupt bush wannabes
4. During the Viet Nam war they opened their arms to our hippies and draft dodgers.
-true. but that means you didn’t have to deal with them anymore, doesn’t it?
5. I have heard that they eat puppies and fart on our flag.
-also true. sled dogs taste the best
I knew it!
You frakking ROCK–nuff said-i’ll be logging in now.ThanX
Just looking at this blog, I thought that you were a pretty cool guy…until I saw this.
Can I not expect a Christmas card?
I mean lets get real people! I wont apologize for anything I have said, because… welll… ITS MY BLOG!
Im a rabble rouser.
Jeeze, I got less crap when I wrote that I didnt like Skeet Ulrich (wHO i NOW THINK IS DREAMY)
With one-tenth of the population the U.S. has, we have well surpassed our part in providing aide to those in Afghanistan (Source: http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2008/03/25/afghanistan-aid.html?ref=rss)
Oh, and as a Canadian citizen if I were to get into an accident and have my fingers chopped off, I wouldn’t need to choose what fingers to keep (watch Michael Moore’s Sicko to see what I’m talking about).
Jink, I love you but you are a flaming liberal.
The US gives away more money than the GDP of Canada. If Micheal Moore is your source on health care then I will end the debate here.
I agree with Anson. and plus, America’s in deep shit right now.