Monkeychapps.com

The Internet’s secret shame

Dear space creatures,

I pen this missive in the case that I am ever abducted. I do not wish to infringe on your rights to abduct humans I only wish to set down a few ground rules.

1. No probing of any kind!

2. If you feel the need to abduct me, call first. I will go willingly but I don’t want to be scared by a late night visit. Any time after 10 am till let’s say 7 pm.

3.If you abduct me before dinner you have to feed me. Not to be cheap but if you can afford a cool space ship you can afford quarter pounder with cheese(extra pickles please).

4. If you are going to do some medical experiments on me I ask that you treat a few ailments that I have (bad knee, lower back pain and the like).

5. No over nighters! I need at least 8 hours of sleep or I’m grumpy the next day.

6. No alien/human breeding scenarios. I don’t need to explain to the wife (when I get one) that part of my check goes to support some kid on the Androm13 home planet.

7. The only thing that I ask in exchange for participating in your experiments is that I leave with a super power of some kind.

As long as you heed these rules I’m ok with the abduction.

Tweet This