I get it, you are upset. Sorry
Filed Under (What fresh hell is this) by Monkee on 05-06-2008
I tend to be a kind person, a gentleman of sorts. A goodly fellow well met and a enthusiast of all things nice.
People in Phoenix are driven mad by the heat and might act in a way that they usually wouldn’t.
Case in point, I’m driving down one of our larger streets and its rush hour and hot. Most people just want to get home and out of the heat others get all Jekyll and Hyde. I’m cruising along, doing the speed limit when a large truck appears in the rear view. Hes weaving in and out of lanes apparently as to get to the red light faster. Never understood this behavior but to each his own. I’m in the right lane and he swerves in behind me in a maneuver that would make Batman proud. I’m stopped dude! I know you want to make a right but the lane I’m in goes straight as well just wait the 25 seconds for the light to change and we are all good.
He wasn’t having it, he lays on the horn as if the sound is some Pavlovian key to make me change my intended route. Honk honk, honk honk oh crap hes out of his car and headed my way. Did I do something? I didn’t flip him the bone nor make any aggressive moves. Time to go through the checklist.
Windows up, check
Doors locked, check
Eyes forward, check
Secondary egress route planned, check
Radio tuned to 80’s music, check (ok, that last one is just for me)
He get up to my window and starts yelling. He is either calling me an ass or he wants to dance, I cant tell. I don’t have time to explain that I’m partially deaf and I don’t think he wants to discuss my disabilities. I have found that if you let these guys blow off steam they’ll go away plus I saw a cop three cars back getting interested in this man who’s blocking traffic and is out of his car hopping mad in the street. Now to be fair he might have been doing a jig instead of hopping but I digress.
He moves towards my windshield as to get in my face or at least as close as an inch of safety glass will allow. I was now in full freak out mode! I didn’t see a weapon and he never bashed my car or made for the door handles but now he was a foot away and as I finished my last chant of “serenity now” I lost all composure.
Have I ever told you about my incredibly powerful windshield water nozzles? I am always amazed that the engineers of the Toyota Camry thought it’d be a good idea to attach fire hoses to bonnet of my car. Its not even the great force and large amount of water that comes out its the speed and trajectory. I almost think it would erode the glass if you used it too much. Its truly amazing!
Back to the narrative, sorry. I hit the wipers and not only does he get in the back but water stream that does make to the window hits the corner of the glass on bounces into his face. He backs away, the light turns green and I slowly drive off.
The next red light I come too is only a few hundred meters ahead and I look in the rear view to see a soggy man on the sidewalk, head hung low as he talks to a cop. I look to my left and see a car with 4 people, three laughing and one smiling and giving me not one but two thumbs up.
I guess the moral to this story (to answer that irate drivers questions) is YES.
Yes I do own the road and yes I am the law!
Monkee out
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nice site
Are you coming on to me? oh, nice website, never mind
Dude, you’re always hoping people are coming on to you. All they care about is the site, deal with it…
Speaking of the site, I am embarrassed. Epic fail for me, but I shall rise again.
agreed
I’m from Phoenix and people do go crazy from the heat. Great Story.
You need a trunk monkey.
I love those commercials
wow…just wow.
ha, ty.
LMAO
That man fails at life. way to show him the true king of the road
You’re a douche
Makes me wish my 15 year old truck didn’t have a single weak windshieldwiperfluidsprayer that barely reaches the edges of my windshield.
@Anonymous
Indeed I am, thank you for re-affirming my douchbagery. I almost felt comfortable in my own skin today. Thank you for the reality check! Thank you for stopping by as well. Have a good day and may you be blessed.
If someone’s tailgating you, try the rear wiper fluid thingy (if you have one) My old car had a really powerful one and I loved spraying tailgaters!
Bahahaha, I must say I am truly indebted to StumpleUpon for bringing me to this amazing story =P
@j, well ty for the kind words
@Mr. Green
In a city where there is a road rage shooting every day I try not to incite
bahahaha damn you’re funny
People need to learn to control themselves. Good story.
Dont tell anyone, ok?
Dude, you are so full of yourself. Get over it, noone is interested in your “I’m so great” stories.
No one but you. I was just waiting for your opinion. That is the whole reason I created this site, just to get your opinion! Now that I have it I can move on, thank you.
I live in Cali but I have driven through Phoenix many a time. Drivers in Phoenix are the most aggressive.
As a matter of fact… I lived in New Mexico for 5 years and came across some of the same types of people.
Wow, I never thought of using the windshield wiper fluid as a weapon…genius.
I have but one thing to say…okay, maybe more. Bwahahahah! Great way to ‘cool’ off the road rage, AND you stayed safe. Wish I had your wind shield washers also. Keep up the good work.:)
PS Stumble found your site for me, too.
My camry has a windshield cleaning nozzle that spouts water in a thin stream towards the passenger in the front seat instead of spraying it. I have had two front passengers get shocked and jump to the backseat when I decide my windshield is dirtier than I’d like it to be.