I am Burger King and so can you!
Filed Under (What fresh hell is this) by Monkee on 26-05-2008
” Ya can I get 1 chicken sandwich, just the patty and the bun. That’s  it. Nothing else on it, just bread and chicken”?
I am a very reasonable man, kinda.
I don’t go to Burger King often but when I do I try to place the same order every time to ease confusion. I can order in Spanish or English. I try to make it as dummy proof as possible.
The King is on the way to a few of my destinations and I pass it at least 4 times a day. No time to cook? Hit the King. Want to get a passable chicken sandwich for  a buck? Go BK. These are the reasons I stop there.
 They hardly ever get my order right and I’m 2 miles away before I realize it.
Extra pickles when I asked for none? No problem just scrape them off and toss them at the front widow. You must choose the window furthest from the door as the pickles will not be seen immediately and have time to spot-weld to the glass in the Arizona heat.
To much mayo or any at all when you just asked for a plain sandwich in three languages(I throw in “sans everything” just in case there is a Frenchie inside)?Well all of the employees park in the same area and the nicest car is usually the managers so I will affix the mayor covered bun to his roof. I believe his job was to properly train these folks and as the manager should be held to a higher standard. Plus he is least likely to have a felony record and a gun so it seems a bit safer.
Last week was the straw that broke the Monkees back. I asked for diet coke (as always) and got DR.Pepper. I was done with the apologies from the slack-jawed manager. It was Monkee time! It was on.
 I sat in the parking lot pealing of the game piece that I got with the new cup and sat it by the game piece from the original cup. Free small shake and free whopper Jr. That’s it, that’s how I will bleed the King.
I went back the next day to redeem my shake and burger I also got a large soda. New game piece, sweet. I drank most of the soda and then went to another BK a mile away and told them about the pin hole in my cup, they gave me a new on and I waited till shift change at the first BK. You guessed it, the seem in my cup was peeling off and I need a new one. 4 game pieces so far. I went home and watched a bit of TV and then headed over to the second BK and asked why the bottom from my onion ring container was so incredibly oily and explained that the tensile strength wouldn’t hold the rings now I had and oily paper bag that spilled all over my car. The worker seems confused at the onslaught of multi-syllabic words and gave me a large combo and three coupons for more large combo meals.
I haven’t paid  for a meal in a week. I am unreasonably reasonable.
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you’re kind of a moron
You probably pissed them off for explaining what plain is. It’s insulting to a fast food employee to say “Meat and bread only.” We may work in fast food but most of us aren’t complete idiots. Just say plain. Especially in the drive-thru. The headsets they give are generally five to ten years old, and hardly work. There seems to be some unknown force that causes “Iced Tea” to sound like “Hi-C” and “Parfait” to sound like “I speak as though there are marbles in my mouth.” And this is just a sort of general comment. If your car is louder than, say, a lawnmower, please, please, please, turn off your engine. The person in drive-thru enjoys hearing. Don’t deafen them with your turbostroke diesel engine from hell. Also, hang up your cell phone, and don’t try to order from the passenger seat. It’s hard to hear you, and your order may get rung in wrong. And save the complicated orders like “I want a Double Cheeseburger plain, nothing on it, no bun, no cheese, oh, wait, extra pickles, easy mayo, hey, do you have french fries? Can I a meal? Oh, what kind of drink? I don’t want a drink? JOHNNY SHUT UP I’M TRYING TO ORDER AT THE MCDONALDS! Ok, and I need a Happy Meal and a number 12…wait, what? What kind of drink? Coke, I guess? Wait, he wants root beer…how much is a number 8? Can i get an ice cream cone in a cup, with fudge on it? Oh, you don’t have any fudge? Well, that must be your fault, because you work for 6.50 a hour, and I know your the one who does the ordering! Ok, that’s all I want…*pulls up to first window*…Can I add on another ice cream? And a fish sandwich, with no white stuff? Yea, tarter, whatever.” What?! 27.93?! *drives off, screaming* Cashier: “sigh, Can I get a void? They drove off.” Now repeat that experience for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, with one 15 minute break, and you’ll know what it’s like to work at McDonald’s.
First off I am an ezceptional moron. To the lengthy reply, I have done that job and you are correct its hell. I was refering to a select few that have no place being there. My grievance is with the management that didn’t want to spend the time/money on training. When I find a nice and helpfull soul on the otherside of that speaker I will pull over walk in thank them and make sure the manager knows as well.
And rocksy, that rant did live up to your name and ROCK!
uhhh. the reason so many people explain what plain means is because the idiots who work fast food (espically in pheonix, AZ where most look/act/talk like they just jumped the border that morning) mess it up.
rocksy….you KNOW what it is like to work at McD’s. I worked there while I was in high school through college. You just described a typical evening at the drive-through…….the average Joe should read your rant and learn from it!!!!
I had the distinct misfortune of working fast food. I lasted only 3 weeks before I couldn’t take it anymore. If you think drive-thru staff is incompetent, you have never dealt with Night Shift Management. Petty Tyrants who take out the frustrations of their failed lives upon the poor bastards who slave beneath them. For the cooks and the cashiers, “Associates” if you will, this job is just a steeping stone, a temporary stop gap measure on the way to bigger and better things. For the Night Manager, the future is NOW, game over. It is for this reason they hate their underlings, Jealousy of a future that has passed them by. I was a grill-man in a fast-food roast beef chain trying to pass itself off as a mid-grade steakhouse, ‘Danver’s’. As grill-man my duties included making hand-formed burgers from ground beef and handling raw meat in addtion to making flash steamed roast beef sandwiches. Mary the night manager thought it was a waste of productive time for me to wash my hands between tasks. She would glare at me threateningly as though she were the only source of income in the world and speak to me as though I were a child. “Mary, you need to understand two things. First off, I’ve got a good ten years on the people you are used to bullying around, it won’t work on me. And second, I KNOW the numbers for the State Health Inspector’s Office AND Action News 5.” It was beautiful watching the veins in her turkey neck bulge, and the color drain from her face. Biggest night of the year, after the Big Homecoming Game the place would be packed. College football in a Southern University town will easily triple the population as alumni pour in form all over the country. We were the closest eating establishment to the stadium. You would think she would have planned better. You see, as revenge she scheduled me as the ONLY cook on duty with no back up or relief. Too bad she knew nothing about the job offer I had accepted only that morning. “Sure Mary, I’ll be right over!” were the last words she ever heard out of me.
Fast food jobs suck to force ambition into teenagers.
It doesn’t always work.
I once went through a Jack in the Box drive-thru and ordered a Chicken Supreme with no tomato.
I was on the freeway about a mile down the road when I opened the wrapper and noticed that there was no chicken and a huge slab of tomato. It was worth driving back.
I was about to get mad at the manager/employees/whomever when I realized something. Something fundamental about the nature of the universe. It was a watershed moment. “THESE PEOPLE WORK AT A FAST-FOOD RESTAURANT!”
How upset can you be at someone who makes minimum wage making disgusting greasy food all day?
Stop wasting your time and do something productive with your life.
oddly enough I only get mad at small things
Cool Dude, i must try that in Australia.
“Oh the joy i will have”
@Dingo Jones: Fast food doesn’t suck to force ambition into teenagers: It sucks to drain it out of them. The job’s one of the first culling grounds where they separate the sheep from potential management.
A dingo ate my baby
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I think you acted for the masses here…keep it up!
I no Joan of arc but , well you know. Im the Rosa Parks of fast food. The MLK of Whoppers.
ok, Im done now
Yeah… your a loser.
Did you you mean “you are a loser”?
Or maybe you are a pirate and your accent come out when you mean to ” yarr, a loser”.
i have been working in McDonald’s ireland 4 like 2 years now…and most McDonald’s here have a special section 4 just plain hamburgers coz we almost sell asmuch of them as regurlars but like every day someone allways comes 2 me asking 4 a plain burger and the rants on 4 ages repeating the same thing in so many ways …..
can i have a plain burger
ya sure
noting on it
ok
just the meat and bun
ok
nothing at all on it
and so on
grrr :<
@ rocksy
you are my hero.
i worked at the big mac for 2 years.
and you have hit the nail on the head.
What a sad sad life, for everyone involved.
McDonalds and Burger King etc sell burgers with salad, gurkins, sauce (of whatever variety) and a sugar coated bun.
They’re cheap, and fast.
Until some arsehole asks them to remove the sugar from the bun and hold the gherkins. I’ve even seen people ask if they can have a gherkin burger because they are vegy.
They are cheap because they make things quick and don’t take fussiness into account.
You get what you get.
If you pay a decent amount of money for your food then you can have what you want. If you pay nothing and ask for the world then you’re an unrealistick prick.
I’ve always been frustrated with the people in the queue who ask for specifics because all the poor bastards who want the “standard” have to wait for some idiots ridiculous request to be fulfilled.
I’m sure that if you go to a restaurant that charges ten times the price they will be more than happy to make your burger to order and have it delivered by a goddess.
I worked in fast food for nearly a year and find myself holding employees of fast food restaurants to the standards I gave myself while working there, and they were pretty high, but easily achieved… BECAUSE WORKING IN FAST FOOD IS NOT DIFFICULT! Yes, it does suck, but I have no sympathy for people who make STUPID mistakes on a simple order and then act like a bitch just because I ask them to fix it. I’VE BEEN THERE! And I did it all with a McGrin on my face!
Wow. Just…wow, at all you fast food workers getting irate.
I have something to tell you, so listen closely. You chose a job, where youa re required to serve the needs of the customers.
If a customer wants a special order, it is your job to make it that way; if applicable, charge extra, whatever. Fact of the matter is, your job is to satisfy the customers, regardless of what they ask for (within reason).
If you don’t like that, then may I suggest you get a different job? Possibly one that doesn’t involve dealing with people.
@laus, lol Mcsweet
I’d be very interested to know what The Shane does for a living and if it requires that “the customer is always right”.
Quite frankly the customer is usually an idiot. Just human nature and percentages at work.
I don’t work at a burger place but I truly feel that they get more shit han they deserve off people who expect good service for very little.
How big a tip do you leave?
@chris
I think they get a proper amout of shit han
No, I’m glad to say it doesn’t. I’m a prep cook for a hotel restaurant (One of the Best Westerns out in Mass.) The only people I get to deal with are the other chefs. granted, my boss is a jerk, but he usually bothers everybody else. Heh.
“How upset can you be at someone who makes minimum wage making disgusting greasy food all day?”
I feel it reasonable to get upset at said minimum-wage earner if they aren’t doing shit right.
You know what you’re getting paid for, right? For doing your damned job. And what is that job? To make the customer’s food the way that they asked for it.
Big damned deal if they want it a certain way, or are fussy about things- maybe someone wants a sandwich and they’re intolerant of lactose, and you flip the hell out when they ask for no cheese or something? Maybe they LOVE cheese and hate tomato, and order food accordingly. You gonna piss yourself with anger there, buddy? Quit bitching and make the damned sandwich, you’re getting minimum wage- IT’S NOT GONNA BE AN AWESOME JOB.
Good lord, quit acting like no one understands your plight, everyone and their mom worked at a fast food joint at some point or another. If the customers suck, deal with it, if the job is terrible, deal with it- OR GET ANOTHER JOB, ya dipshit.
Good god.
I might understand if I want some odd complex request. Im making it easier and I get screwed
I know exactly what you mean- my comment just ended up being a reply to all the other comments.
In my opinion, your original entry is (well written and amusing, and) something that everyone has gone through, and deserves a few ‘that was funny, well done’ replies, rather than the fast-food-workers giving reasons for messing up orders.
“You get what you get.”
Nothing really gives you the right to screw up a simple order because you’ve decided that, if the food is cheap and your paycheck is low, then there’s no reason to make an effort in doing your occupation correctly..
I believe that everybody has a right to an opinion as long as you can defend it.
As long as you take pride in your work I hail you as a good fellow well met!
I respect the opinions of others, but I don’t much understand indignation about custom orders at fast food establishments.
If you’re proud of your job, cool, that’s good. As long as you make an effort to do that job right, you can come home and say whatever you want to say about that job, you know? Even if you do hate it. At least do what you’re getting paid to do (which is to do your job, ie. serve the customers what they’re asking for).
I agree, no one like their job. Thats life suck it up and give me a bigee fries.
Au contraire, my friend! I happen to be quite fond of my job.
And do you know why?
Because I left jobs that made me miserable, rather than making my customers miserable, and now I spend my time getting paid to be in a great mood (and indeed, to pass that great mood on to customers that visit the store). :p
Are you a drug dealer?
Damned close- I’m selling video games.
I completely agree that when someone takes a minimum wage job then they have to expect an unpleasant experience.
Funnily enough the same applies to someone who buys a cheap product. They get an unpleasant experience.
It amazes me that people cannot see that there may be a relationship between the two.
If someone doesn’t like the fact that it works that way then they have the option to pay more or make the effort to make more money respectively.
The idea that you can pay practically nothing and get a good employee or product is ridiculous. If an employee works to a good standard then they wouldn’t consider minimum wage.
Finally if someone was lactose intolerant I’m guessing they wouldn’t go to a milkshake bar. I think they would probably visit somewhere they can buy what they want at the appropriate price rather than getting upset with someone who doesn’t deserve it.
People who act in the opposite manner are unreasonable, unrealistic and probably less than bright.
Ok, so.. lactose intolerant people aren’t allowed to order at a fast food restaraunt because ordering something without cheese in a cheap establishment is unacceptable. Good to know.
Guess I should also keep in mind that simply because minimum-wage-earners get paid so little, it’s alright that they don’t put any efforts into their jobs, however mundane they may be. So, get paid to do your job wrong and be a jackass to customers, awesome.
Well I have a question, why is it when I go to most fast food places and place an order for say a cheeseburger with ketchup instead of mayo or mustard, why do they always ask do I want the vegies?
Case in point while ordering at the local Sonic, I asked for a number 2 combo she said mustard or mayo, I replied ketchup, there was a lonf pause, then she said do you want the vegies, which I replioed yes I wan the vegies, when asked about the drink I said I want a route 44 diet dp. She replied route 44 DP, I told her no a diet DP. She said ok and gave me the amount. When I got the order all I had was fries and a DP not a diet DP by the way. No burger with or without the vegies haha
Oh yes I talked to the manager about this, he tells me that they are trianed to asked specific questions and when someone gives them another answer other than what is expected they panic.
By the way I got a free burger with ketchup.
I love that ppl get mad at me for doing this act of fast food terrorism. Im telling a story, Im making it up. Its the internet, ppl sometimes exaggerate here.
Garr
If you go to a burger place and offer the server an extra $10 to fulfill a special request I’m willing to bet it’ll get fulfilled.
Such is life.
“special request”? Dude what are you asking those ppl to do, maybe that’s why they don’t like you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa…I don’t know what people are talking about when they say “cheap”. The only things that are cheap on the fast food menus are those dollar burgers…which you know aren’t even real meat. So, if you want to get a chicken breast sandwich, you are looking at a min of 5 bucks. For the sandwich. God help you if you want a soda or fries. For two “combos” for two people, it is about 13 bucks. That is just lame for sub par food, not to mention if you want it a certain way. I’ll go buy a damn porterhouse for 13 bucks, and cook it the way I want. As a side note: I don’t special order unless pickles are involved. I hate those bastards more than anything. You never know what you are going to get. Crisp and crunchy is ok, but those limp, flaccid sour slices make me want to vom. Monkee…your plan is genius! Bleed them with their own coupons. Until you get the 10k prize. Then…call me.
Seems an eminently reasonable fast food strategy, to me.
I am nothing if not reasonably unreasonable.
At my local McDonalds, we have a new order entry twirp who is among the laziest twentysomethings I’ve met. He pretends like he has an interest in accuracy and gets huffy if I question him but then my order ends up with errors. Fortunately, I’ve learned the hard lesson of confirming my order before I pull away. At worst, I order a Double Quarter Pounder but only pay for the regular Quater Pounder. It won’t taste the same but at least I didn’t pay for air.
Burger King is a little bit better but their French Fries are a joke.
The old axiom remains true: we get what we pay for.
Good read, Monkee. I’m almost sober enough to not dignify most of the dumbass “fries with that” for-life types with a response…
It’s cute you have enough pride in your employment at McDonalds to defend your burger-flipping honor on a comical internet blog, but don’t have enough dignity to do the job you were hired to do professionally. What’re you- 9 years old? You asked for the the job. You want to get paid for giving people customer service? Ok, great…
So whats the problem? Didn’t think you’d have to scrape melted pickles off the windows once in a while? Well..it IS McDonalds.
Have fun disguising feces as “Oreo Crumbs” in someone’s McFlurry, but jokes on you- you’re still flipping burgers.
Thank you! I have searched long and hard to find the biggest moron ever and you have found me. You are el stupido grande and I welcome you. Obviously grammatical syntax and possessive and personal tenses bounce off you.
Did you read more than the title?
Talking to me? The only comment in my previous message that was directed at you was “Good read.”
The rest was a response to some of the previous comments.
I am sorry that I unleashed my venom on you! I misread and apologize.
I’m with monkey on this one, you can blame a lot on mgmt. I worked tacobell on the night shift. We had a college age “Crew Chief” who supposedly went to the gas station next door to get change. She came back an hour later (said the guy was kidding around and locked her in and wouldn’t let her out, yeah right!!) anyway, while she was gone me and a fellow employee, both of us having been there LESS than a month had to deal with a major rush of customers. I barely knew how to take orders and run the register (and had to run the front counter AND the drive-thru) and the poor guy with me (there less time that I had) barely knew how to make the various items being ordered. Talk about FREAKED out. Needless to say I complained to SR mgmt about that one.
Maccy D’s gives me wind
I used to work at Dairy Queen, so I know exactly how annoying some customers can be.. but to be honest, I’ve never had a customer as bad as most people make them out to be. Sure, I’d occasionally get the jackass that decides he said he wanted a chicken sandwich, not a cheeseburger, and when that happens, I’d grab my shift manager, and he/she’d sort it all out. But never in my time working there have I gotten someone that really pissed me off too much. Not to say that the OP was wrong, some people are simply idiotic. Now to the person that said to simply say plain, there are different definitions of plain. at my Dairy Queen, it meant bun, meat, cheese. However, at another restaurant, it might mean simply meat and bun-no cheese. simple misinterpretations like these could really upset someone, therefore clarifying is important in my opinion. Great story though! gratz on your free meals lol