Get your hands of me you damn dirty hippie!
Filed Under (Random!) by Monkee on 19-09-2008
Why Monkee, you are such a hater!
Damn straight baby.
Let me break it down for you.
I believe Canada is the Aqua Man in the justice league of North America. The Duplo block in a world full of Lego’s.
Worthless!
You may ask why I say this, consider the following.
1. Half of them speak French! That alone is enough to hate the whole of the country.
2. They have added nothing to world culture, except for the wearing of black socks and sandals.
3. They have a political system just this side of communism.
4. During the Viet Nam war they opened their arms to our hippies and draft dodgers.
5. I have heard that they eat puppies and fart on our flag.
When I lived in Boise ,a few years ago, I got wind that they were planning a week long party celebrating the 25th anniversary of the draft dodger and the influx of dirty hippies into their country. Then I saw a report on the mass exodus of some 8000 middle-aged hippies that wanted to relive the time that they sat in Canada, smoked pot and talked about “The Man” whilst their neighbors were in south east Asia fighting.
I could not let this lie, not when I was a scant few hundred miles from this twisted fiesta. I made a few phone calls and hit the road.
I sat, just few hundred miles north of the Canadian border, in my rented ice cream truck. I saw my comrades huddled of in the distance awaiting the signal. I waited until the hippies were nice and stoned, and in the middle of there dirt bag bacchanalia.
The fireworks started.
Literally!
I cranked the speakers on the ice cream truck and played a few tracks from “Apocalypse Now” intermingled with a little “Full Metal Jacket” as I shot fireworks at them. As this was going on the local theater troop that I had hired ran through the crowd wearing black pajamas and sampan hats yelling “di di mau”.
This had the desired effect and dare I say it must been the “Brown noise” to all hippies because all of the strawberry kush and petrulli oil in the world couldn’t cover the smell of 8000 thousand dirty hippies crapping their pants in unison.
Looking back I feel some remorse for what I did. I felt a twinge of guilt on my drive back to Boise. The guilt subsided as the thought of warmer temperatures, normal footwear and how great the USA is wafted into my head.
Every now and then I hear the Canadian national anthem and the thought of soiled underwear and petrulli oil make me smile.
Rock on you dirty hippy bastards.
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But what about hockey, eh?
You mean ice football?
Don’t forget their contributions to the performing arts: Canadian Ballet and Extreme Canadian Ballet, better known as Synchronized Pole-Dancing.
I waited on a Canadian back when I waitressed in nightclubs. He was with a large group of people, mostly men. The Canadian saw some other customers drinking a flaming shot, so naturally he thought that was an American thing, and had to try it himself.
He didn’t blow it out before shooting it, some of the flaming liquid poured out his mouth, and it looked like his beard was on fire. I still had a longneck on my waitress tray that I hadn’t served yet, so I used it to put out the Canadian’s flaming beard.
I apologized for pouring bear on him afterwards, but I panicked because on of my customers had set himself on fire. He said he wasn’t mad at all, but was grateful. He and his group were kind of somber for a while after that.
Haha, very entertaining post!
If Canada wasn’t there, the US would float north and have to take on their crappy winters. They’re like an ice buffer zone or something.
Dirty hippies need love too, man.
Funny post, and I loved Shreela’s story!
Growing up we headed for Canada just about every summer and truly enjoyed ourselves. Monkey you are something else… (the “almost afraid to comment on this one” at Firestorm tipped me off LOL!).
Synchronized Pole Dancing - ROFLMAO.
Very entertaining!
Real fireworks, eh? You should have thrown the Triple Rockets ice cream, instead. Never was a fan of that popsicle …
You know who invented that, a Frenchman.
Damn frogs.
Very funny…..
Quite a little rant there but I’m on the opposite side of the fence. I’m glad Canada opened it’s doors to our dodgers of yet another futile war. Beats the hell out of them returning from that hell hole in a wooden box, and yeah, back in a day, I was one of those dirty, stoned hippy chicks. Free love … rock on baby.
I am a Canadian and your article was pretty good….. this time
Whew! I do love to laugh!
I love having someone else around that seems to pull to the RIGHT!
Keep it up!
i am canadian i am a pothead and im very proud of it too. but if someone threw a firecracker at me i would kill them your lucky u were in a truck. and an ice cream truck at that. u fairy.
i always stuck up for america to my friends who said they were rude obnoxious and the cause of many problems. i guess i shouldn’t have this article showed me that. thank you.
I have been warned , thank you.