Fight against the penny, Fight I say!
Filed Under (Random!) by Monkee on 18-03-2008
Are we done with the pennies yet?
Because it is time. The American public hasn’t been using them for about a decade. They have become so worthless, that people give them to each other as a matter of routine. Get your change, pick out the pennies, and leave them there for the next guy. Need a penny or two? Well, there should be a few there for you, because the last guy sure didn’t want his. That’s the game.
I hate when stores don’t want to play by the game. If a store doesn’t have a little tray, I am immediately annoyed. The hell if I’m fishing another dollar out of my pants because it came to $5.02. When that cash register rings up $5.02 and you look at me, we’re fixing to have a long staredown. I’ll return an item before I break another dollar and let you give me three more of the damn things in return. And that item probably had a profit margin of at least $.03 to you, so who’s the loser now? Get it? As long as they’re still around, you better play by the game.
When there is no tray, my normal routine has become to fish through my change and immediately pick them out and deposit them into the trash. Not only are they worthless, but they are disgusting, and I’m not carrying them around. Most have been in circulation for 20 years, and as the stepchild of your change purse, they have been given no love. They live in ashtrays, parking lots, and huge jars owned by 72 year old men who remember when they were worth something. Old copper is gross enough to start with. Add to the fact that they are covered in gum and crap and filth, and you need to wash your hands every time one touches you.
Think about this: a stamp costs $0.37. 37 pennies weigh 6 ounces. It takes about two stamps to mail 6 ounces of stuff. Therefore, if I wanted to mail someone 37 cents in pennies, it would cost me 74 cents. By my definition, it’s pretty clear cut. When a monetary unit can’t afford to mail itself, it’s worthless. Don’t get all cocky either, nickels…….you aren’t far behind. (I don’t really know how much 37 pennies weigh, that was just a guess. I have a scale in my garage, and would find out, but I can’t. I threw out all my pennies. Just trust me though….I’m right on this general principal. I know by instinct that they can’t mail themselves.)
Vending machines won’t even take them. They hired engineers to assure that any penny which entered the slot would be immediately routed straight to the change opening. Think about the engineering involved. Dimes, which are smaller than pennies, go right into the till, but they had to create some sort of mechanism that would sort out and eliminate any penny that enters the machine, lest they get involved with the REAL money that is in there, and gross it all up.
Have you ever tried to give one to a bum? Seriously. I almost got in a fight in Phoenix over the fact that I gave a bum some pennies. The man had no home, was hungry, cold, and hopeless, yet when I gave him a handful of pennies, he tried to spit on me. Fortunately, his lack of front teeth seriously affected his aiming abilities and I easily dodged the saliva-based projectile, but nonetheless.
Isn’t this enough evidence for Alan Greenspan and the Fed to say enough is enough? I now summarize my case:
1. Pennies are considered worthless, even by homeless people
2. Pennies are disgusting
3. Pennies can’t even mail themselves
4. Americans are actually giving them to strangers, like some nationwide game of hot potato
5. Vending machines are even too smart to take them. Their job is to take money, not pennies.
Case Closed. Please, Federal Reserve, I beg you. End the game.
I’m done with the stinking pennies.
I hate pennies because they cause me to engage in such hateful activities as knapsackery and backbackery.
Don’t hate on pennies so much, just take all your pennies and put then in a big old jar. My mom has been saving all her pocket change for 30+ years, and a few weeks ago, she decided to cash in, so we spent an hour at one of those coin sorting machines at a bank and collected a sweet $2,500. Thats twenty-five hundred dollars, just for emptying out your pockets every night.
Tell you what, If you rage against the penny like me I will give you 2500 bucks in 30 years.
Interesting view, that’s true, a lot of countries don’t even HAVE coins that equal to a penny. But I do like the Lincoln… lol I keep a lucky penny with me all the time.
Cheers~
I just throw them in parking lots so frugal people feel lucky.
Don’t forget, though, you can mail them to the blind for free.
the only machines i know of that take pennies are the ones on the tollway. i would like to hear what you think about tollways.
Actually, each additional ounce requires another postage stamp, but the stamp required for each additional ounce costs slightly less than the stamp required for the first ounce.
Pennies also cost more than 1 cent each to make. They’re a waste of money to even make. It’s ridiculous.
Or you could just abandon cash altogether. With credit cards the pennies don’t matter anymore because it’s all just math and imaginary money.
As an added bonus you could boycott any stores that don’t take plastic.
Make ass pennies out of them before you throw them at people walking down the street from a somewhat aerial location, such as a property that requires some stairs to enter.
I’ve been saying this same thing for years. You worded it even better. Great post!
I am so with you, monkey man! Think of the time we’d save if we didn’t use pennies. Heck, I wouldn’t even notice or mind if everyone just rounded all their prices up to the next nickel. I’d rather do that then deal with stupid pennies.
Let’s start the No Penny Movement! Sign me up!
You do know that Greenspan has retired, right?
Otherwise I couldn’t agree more; well said.
I know its Paulsen now. At the time his name was the only one that came to mind.
If we get rid of the penny, we might as well get rid of penny loafers, too.
Just think of all the lonely shoes missing their penny counterparts!
Kinda sad.
It even costs more than a penny to make a penny!
http://www.usatoday.com/money/2006-05-09-penny-usat_x.htm
Nickels too. The two coins I hate most.
Sometimes I think that many people just have to hate something. If they don’t find real things to hate, that pick up something like that. Not sure why you are doing this, Monkey, but it really looks bizzare to me…
Misha
Mapquest
haha pennies…
its illegal to deface gov’t property, but i take the industrial hole punchers at my school and punch holes in pennies, give em to my friends and they put them on necklaces. haha.
It is legal to deface American coins if they are to be used as jewelry. Punch a hole in a penny, put it on a chain, sell it for a dime. Its the American Way!
I’m with you on the getting rid of the pennies thing.
I lived in NZ for 3 years and they don’t use pennies there. They have nothing less than a nickel.
AND!! They have their taxes already incorporated into the prices of things so there is never any surprises when you get to the cash register. It’s great!!
I wish Canada and the US would get on board with this.
Ok, so you think pennies are all disgusting and gross? I don’t get it. There are not that many germs on a penny… I just came back in from cleaning up 3 month old garbage that was burried under a huge pile of snow that we were not able to get to because of the huge snowfall this year, and let me tell you THAT was disgustingly filthy, and gross, and probably could kill you. Some old copper pennies though? I’d gladly would have sucked on a handful of pennies if it meant not having to clean that crap up.
I understand but was that pile of garbage legal tender?
I abandoned pennies after seeing a skit on ‘The Upright Citizens Brigade’.
The skit was about ‘ass pennies’.
Thats all I’m sayin.
I loved that skit
I think everyone who hates Pennies should be killed and ground up into Dog Food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!