Monkeychapps.com

The Internet’s secret shame

I just hope I can get one in time for Christmas.

Yes, there are some nice uses of bright LED’s like flashflights and these cool frisbees.  But I am about sick of using all my duct tape to cover up bright ass LED’s.  For some reason my TV needs to have a bright blue LED lighting up my living room when I turn it off.  WHY?  It’s a great TV, so not a big deal, I’ll just put some duct tape over it if it bothers me (the black duct tape is better so it doesn’t look all ghetto).

My computer has a bright ass blue LED on top, kind of pisses me off at night, good thing I don’t have to stare straight at it.  Oh wait, that’s what the one on my monitor is for.  Some genious knew I’d want 1/3 of an LED flashflight shining in my face while I sit at my computer.

None of these bothered me that much until I signed up for the new AT&T Uverse service.  The box that sits under my TV has, of course, tons of bright LED’s.  Red LED’s are fine, you’ll notice that your alarm clock has red LED’s and they don’t light up the room and they aren’t overly bright.   But this box has all kinds of shit all over it.  WHY?  Ridiculous.  I’m trying to sleep in my bedroom not go to a laser show.

Am I just OCD or does this really piss other people off too?

If there’s such thing as a conservative porn ad….  I’ve decided to include a small porn ad to the site (top right on the sidebar in case you didn’t notice).  I’d like to get some feedback.  Is it too offensive?  Does it make you want to steer away from the site at work, or at home?   Just trying to make a little advertising cash and google adwords isn’t cutting it, so I’m advertising for a quality porn site.  I may go for a different picture or text, but you get the idea.   I want the site to still be safe for work.

There’s something about a dummy driving a car that puts a smile on my face.

Enjoy!

Brandon! Brandon! Brandon, come here!

That is what I heard for five minutes while we were in the Quicky Mart. Your 3 year old was running all over and knocking stuff down while you and your Whiskey Tango (white trash) wife were getting your post methadone clinic Big Gulps. You would yell every 30 seconds “Brandon come here” like an hillbilly fog horn. I wanted to yell “turn your fat jowls and watch your crotch fruit, yelling Brandon every thirty seconds does not make up for your lack of parenting “. I chose not to as I just wanted out of there.

I paid and left and I guess you paid as well as you came out of the store as I was unlocking my car. Brandon came running out of the door and straight towards the open traffic. At 2 foot tall he would run right by me and not be seen by the oncoming car. I glanced at you hoping to see a look of horror as you realized the impending impact but no, you were busy playing with a coupon for Skoal Bandits. I grabbed the kid with my free hand and jerked him back from running in front of the car and then walked him over to you for what I thought would be a hero’s welcome.

Not so much.

You just squared off and said that I should get my hands off of your son. I asked you if you were sure he was your son because your wife looks like a real goer, know what I mean? Say no more. Nudge nudge, wink wink.

I have since found out that Monty Python references seem to make white trash confused and upset and want to fight.

You raised your fists, started to say something and I kicked you square in the nuts. I’m not a fighter, I’m not a lover either but what I am is a cheap bastard and I didn’t want to spill the soda in my right hand. So in retrospect I am sorry I kicked you in the balls but I felt threatened and reacted.

I hope Brandon is ok and you are feeling better.

The soda was delicious.