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The Internet’s secret shame

Ok, I know it was a strange first meeting but at least you’ll have a story to tell your girlfriends.

I was at the corner mini-mart after work to get my post work soda. I was parked in the second to last slot. I usually take the farthest slot so that no one can sneak up behind me (its a deaf thing, I can’t tell where sound is coming from and in noisy environments I try to avoid any embarrassments).

I was bent over with the passenger door open cleaning the trash from the passenger side.

Thats when it happened. You slide in behind me in a Jeep filled with two of your girlfriends and as you cut the engine I farted, right at you. I thought I was alone and loosed the aggregate farts that I had been saving all day. The sound was deafening, even to this deaf guy. The sound was akin to a cat and an empty paint can being throw into a dryer and the spun for 5 seconds. It must have scared you, it scared me.

I saw movement out of my good eye and immediately spun around in shock, I had no idea people where behind me or I wouldn’t have initiated the full launch sequence. There was a lot of road noise around us as I told you “Its my fan belt, it makes odd noises”. You saw the car keys in my hand and told me that fan belts do that sometimes but my car isn’t turned on. I scrambled for a comeback then said ” That’s how bad it is. It makes that noise even when its turned off”.

You laughed and I did. We had our little moment. As you walked in the store and I opened the drivers door to get in and you said that I might want to get that checked. I asked if you where referring to my fan belt or my digestive system. You laughed some more as I pulled away.

Dear reader, that’s the closest I get to a love connection. Screw Chuck Woolery.

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